2 months of late nights and lots of lovin'

This looks like a smile to me!! He is so much cuter than his pictures but I thought this one was cute!I cant believe that our little Nicolas has lived for 2 months! We feel so blessed to have had this time with him.. We of course pray that we will have a lot more time with him! It's an interesting thing having a child that isn't expected to live. From the time he was born I wanted to hold him every second as we were told he would most likely live for only an hour. I never wanted to put him down. The first few nights I just held him all night. When we realized he wasn't going to die immediately I started realizing I would have to sleep at some point and would put him down for a few hours at night so I could sleep. I am still in that mode, I put him down at night because I have to sleep. Other than that I hold him almost constantly. It is obvious by how messy the house is getting and how empty our fridge is! I can't take him out because we don't want him exposed to anything that might harm him( swine flu, colds, etc.) We do have to take him to the nicu twice a week for weight checks. I don't go by myself because it is a lot to haul, him in his carbed, the oxygen, the oximeter, the diaper bag... so I usually wait until Nick is off work and we go together. Lately our little peanut has been quite crabby. We think it is due to reflux. It's sad because he gets all congested and starts having a hard time catching his breath. He arches his back and screams! Right now our nine year old is holding the baby... thanks Oliver.. it gives me the time to get on here and do a quick post! I better go, thanks to those of you that have commented, I want to write back to you but have not had the time. Take care all... Lots of love....Jenna

peanut and kids

Our family a few hours after Nicolas was born. The kids were all so happy to meet their brother.

cutest baby in the world!

I smiled at mom today!!!!

Just wanted to post an update on Nicolas. He is home from Seattle and we are loving having him at home. The flight home was scary because his o2 sats dropped way into the 70's and we had to get oxygen from the flight attendants. Luckily that brought his levels back up but ever since we have been home he has needed the oxygen. We think maybe he misses being at sea level in seattle! He has times where he seems comfortable and content and other times he has crying fits and his 02 levels drop, he gets to where he can't breathe, and just when we think we should call 911 he quits and slowly becomes himself again. The doctors are thinking part of it may be his reflux. We have been told that he will most likely get a cold this winter or the flu and he will most likely not make it through that. Living everyday scared that this episode could be the one that is too much for his body to handle, is tough on all of us. We are all just trying to love little Nicolas as much as we can and hope that God will give us strength if he doesn't make it. I am so comforted to know that if he doesn't make it he will be in heaven and he will be in perfect healthy peace! He has a cousin in heaven who would be 21 today! We still pray that God will heal him and carry him through so we can watch him grow up. Please pray for him. Pray for lung capacity and that his airway would be open and strong. He keeps me super busy but I will try and post some pics when I get the time. Oh and yes, he smiled at me today and I was so happy that I started crying and i think i scared him cause a few seconds later he started to cry! oops!

God's little miracle Nicolas was born 08/14/09!!

We are so blessed and enjoying every minute God gives us with our very own miracle! Born Friday 8/14/09 at 38 and a half weeks via c section... Nicolas  is nothing short of a complete miracle. He is now over 48 hours old. We are unsure of his future and continue to place that in God's mighty hands. What we do know is that in his first two days he has been weaned off of his oxygen and has excellent oxygen saturation ... usually his monitor stays between 95 and 100..which is so amazing. I will post more about his birth and more pics as time allows. Right now I am going to scoop him back into my arms and love him up. Please pray that he will continue to have a strong airway and that God keeps His hand on all of us. PRAISE GOD .. He has granted us so much more time already than the Drs predicted.

meeting with neonatologist today

Today at 3:30 we meet with the neonatologist at the hospital to talk about how much intervention we want, how hard we want them to try and save our little guy. We have already decided that there is going to be minimal monitoring during my labor. Thats as far as we have decided. Please pray for us. I really dont have the strength to go to this appointment and talk about my baby dying but I have no choice. I know that having him on a ventilator could mean months and months of him in the NICU. The last baby i was reading about with this condition was in the NICU for seven months and is finally coming home with nursing support. I feel right now that I couldn't handle that and part of me will be at peace i think if he just goes into God's arms where I KNOW he wouldn't suffer. But I am SO emotionally exhausted I shouldn't be making the decision of what we have for dinner, let alone for life and death. I have been in constant prayer about this and the only thing I have heard is to trust God and that is what I am going to do. I trust that if our baby dies that God will comfort us and that He will bring forth good from a situation that seems so bad. If our son lives and is in the hospital for months on end and is as disabled as they say he will be, our Mighty God will then give us comfort and strength and use our babys life and our story for His Glory! If our baby is healed and somehow gets to come home God's work will be evident to the world and hope will be renewed. My prayer for today is that God speak through the neonatologist today and through Nick and I. That we can sit there but when our mouths are opened ... God Speaks His Will... Have you listened to the Casting Crowns song... I will Praise You In This Storm???? It brings me to my knees... I LOVE it so much.. I think I want to put it on my zune to listen to during labor. I will close this post with the lyrics to that song...


Praise You In This Storm lyrics

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
-------------------

I love you all.. thanks for being with us through our storm... Jenna

Keep Prayin!

As we get closer to our due date I am so anxious. I am trying to enjoy the time I have with our little guy. He is so active I would never in a million years think anything could be wrong with him. I pray for healing every day and know that it is possible. I also try and prepare for the possibility of him not living. I read other bogs of other women going through this and I feel like a total wimp compared to them. I cry myself to sleep each night. My husband works early in the AM so I wait until he is asleep and I cry my lil eyes out! I am so thankful for my other children, my youngest is eight and he keeps me busy and I love that! I have been skipping a few doctors appointments, in a denial of sorts, or just wanting to feel "normal". Please continue to pray for a miracle.. knowing that God is fully capable.. please believe that with us.. we pray that his airway grows and is perfect and he is able to breathe on his own when he is born.. Thank you so much for those of you that are praying with us and believing! I will try and post more updates as his due date nears. He isn't due until the end of August (aug 24)but have a feeling he will be born sooner than that.