the amnio decision

We were offered an amniocentesis to help us figure out a more exact diagnosis for our baby. In the past I never would have considered an amnio. There is a risk of miscarriage with the procedure, however with an experienced dr. using u/s guidance the risk goes down. I needed answers. I am so pro life, but wondered if it was even humane to bring a baby into this harsh world with so many physical disabilities, the doc said he will most likely never walk and might have limited use of his hands. There might be mental retardation. I started feeling so guilty for even thinking this way. I know that this experience is helping me to be way less judgemental about others. I didnt think i was judgemental before.. Lord God please forgive me for the times I have judged someone when I had no idea what they had been through. OK, so i went ahead with the amnio and it wasnt horrible. My huband had to work so I was going to have to go alone, but my son timmy who is 14 offered to come along. I was leary to let him as I wasnt feeling like dealing with normal selfish teenager for a two hour trip to missoula where i knew he would then want to go shopping because he had been saying how he really needed pants...etc. He said " I wont be like that mom" so I believed him and off we went to Missoula! Tim waited in the car for me so i had to walk into that building, the one where they told us just how many problems our son would have, the one with the long hallway of doom... but I did it! It went fairly quick, there was a dr visiting from salt lake and he scanned the baby and then took me into the office to discuss things. He seemed more optimistic about our baby, or maybe it was just that he knew he wouldn't be directly involved as he was just visiting, but his optimism gave me something that i hadn't had in awhile... hope. He measured the chest of the baby and said that that was a really good sign as a lot of the skeletal dysplasias are lethal due to breathing problems due to the chest being so small. We left the apt. and i let Tim drive, he has a learners licence, and he drove us to the mall( i told him to)and when we got there i suddenly felt sick and vomited in the parking lot. We shopped for a little bit and got Tim his jeans, and then we headed for Kalispell. I let Tim drive all the way home and he did great! I was so proud of him. He was sweet the entire time and even when we were going to the mall and I got sick he said "mom, we should just go home".